Miscarriage!!

( life begins at conception and has a soul)

I've always wanted a big family with many kids. In my world, the more kids :), the merrier.

Having to go through a second miscarriage is what you don't wish for. Your life changes in an instant. This time around, there was a message in this.

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. (Isaiah 55:6 NIV)

As I cried in agony, having contractions every one minute lasting for 2 minutes for about 7 hours, I prayed for mercy.

The stabbing and burning  pain gave me a glance of what hell will look like for those who are perishing. Those who have rejected the message of salvation.

I thanked God for grace and for sending his only son to die so I can be free from this eternal punishment. The grace of God does not abound in hell. Which is the reason of his saving grace on earth.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. These, then, are the things you should teach. Encourage and rebuke with all authority. Do not let anyone despise you. (Titus 2:11-15 NIV)

I thought of the pain Christ suffered on the cross. Such a loving pain like no other. God is love.

Praising him in the valley of death gave me strength to endure. Christ bore all our suffering.

One of the things most, if not all women do not think about before they marry is having a miscarriage. Most women have actually gone through the pain of losing a child through a miscarriage. You only hear of it when you are going through yours.

The question is, why is such a painful experience overlooked or not talked about by many?

This question is the reason I'm talking about such a painful experience I faced over a week ago. I call this " walking through the valley of the shadow of death".

We did not expect to hear what the doctor told us on January 9th 2015. "Your baby measures nine weeks  but, has stopped growing. Sorry, there is no heart beat."

It felt like a bad dream. Talk about disbelief and shock. I had been sick for the past almost 3 months with morning sickness.

I had just told our kids that morning they will be having a sibling in August. My 5 year old started counting down the months right then and coming up with names while her sister was ready to help and give kisses.

( our girls kissing my belly the day we got the bad news. They did this frequently for weeks.)

We refused the option of a D & C right away because my body showed no sign of a miscarriage. I was not bleeding and still felt life growing in me. Besides, that was not the reason we went for the appointment.

We left that office, got into the car and said a prayer. It was simple, " dear Heavenly Father, the news we just got is frustrating. Thank you for life and the gift of children. Every beautiful gift comes from you. We pray for a miracle according to your will and please give us the strength to go through all this."

It was a silent drive home but our five year old realized something was wrong. " mommy is the baby okay? Does she have a heart beat?" Njuamboh! God is in control was my answer.

We had been praying for a healthy baby and for strength to go through the pregnancy before we conceived. At home, we talked about the situation a lot trying to figure what went wrong. 

We did not believe this was true. So we prayed and hoped for a miracle. Our pastors and a couple of friends prayed with us through this. 

I held unto Scriptures like never before, digging deep daily. Praising God in the storm as we prayed. Asking the Holy Spirit to strengthen me through this. I could not do this on my own.

By the third day, I became anxious. Now, asking my very supportive husband what the worst could be if the baby actually had no heart beat. How will my body react to it? I was unable to fall asleep so, praise and worship helped me relax.

On January twelfth, as I read through Isaiah 41:9-10, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit as the word came alive to our situation. It was so convicting that all the fear and anxiety was lifted from me. I personalized the verses.

"I took you from the ends of Cameroon 

   From the West of Africa I called you

 I said, ' you are my servant;

  I have chosen you and have not rejected you'

  So do not fear, for I am with you.

Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

   I will strengthen you and help you.

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

  

From this morning on, my anxiety turned into constant praise and prayers. I had no control of what so ever the outcome would be. Yet, I had strength and help from God in this storm.

We had not announced the pregnancy yet although, my sister and some friends had suspected. The plan was to share our joy on my birthday January 30th. Baby Akamangwa would have been 13 weeks in my womb.

I continued having all the signs of a pregnant lady 10 days after we got bad news.

Stay tuned for the next phase "my incomplete miscarriage"

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12 NIV)