Behind The Scene Story(God is not a murderer)

The outside picture never really portrays the entire story. It can surely paint an eye catching picture. What we see physically may be deceiving and hides the joy/pain going on in the inside. Looks can be very deceiving and never should you draw conclusions about the inside by what you see. Wait until they open their mouth then, will you know the condition of their heart. Out of the heart flows the issues of life.

When we look at Instagram today, we see beautiful pictures of the current outside state of people. What most people don't think about, is what is really happening in the inside. What is going on behind the scenes of the lives of people taking these pictures?  Your inside story is different and unique to you. Your inside story can bring healing to another. Inside stories are meant to be told. Here with my behind the scenes inside story pictures will never tell.

I am one very blessed lady, and I will continuously sing praise to my Creator. I have chosen to magnify The Cross and not my loss. When I walk into any room with my girls, what you don't see are three other children missing on this side of heaven. The picture on the right was taken the summer I met my husband. What most women don't know or think about before they get married are the challenges waiting in the process of child bearing.

Most couples are faced with unexpected loss that can break their relationship in this process. I've always wanted a big family. I had written on my goal board before I met my husband I want eight kids. He was shocked the first time he visited my apartment. Who in this day and age wants eight kids right? My plan was clear and he knew it, I was not changing my mind about this. Believe it or not, I was an answer to his prayers. He always prayed for a woman willing to have more babies than the now normal(2-3). The more the better. Anyways, we started out with a big family idea and not giving up anytime soon :)! 

Our first pregnancy happened very fast; talk about excitement and emotions involved. My body reacted strange lol! I exploded overnight. The figure in this picture literally became disfigured from the norm. What was even more scary was walking into the hospital for the first time and being ask if I want to keep or do away with the baby. I left that place really mad. "I see you are pregnant, what do you plan on doing, will you keep the baby?" Babies are meant to be kept not killed. Don't ask me that! Not only had my body changed and a medical professional speaking death over my baby; about twelve weeks later, we had a spontaneous abortion. My body aborted our first baby. Talk about devastation and asking all kinds of questions. A bad scene in a movie was my realty. What in the world just happened? The answer will be at the end, keep reading.

About a year later, we knew each other and conceived our second. She is now who everyone sees as my first daughter. Njuamboh is my rainbow baby as they call it. Such a smart thinker and dreamer and is my second blessing from God. The enemy stole life out of my first baby. 

Twenty two months later, comes our third baby Ngeniform. She is who everyone knows to be our second daughter. She is actually my third child not the second. This little girl lights up the room and brings a lot of laughter in our home. What they both don't know is, they had an older sibling. I will tell them when the time is right.

After having two term babies everything looked normal and fine. The pain and grief of losing my first child was gone. I only imagine what this baby would have looked and acted like. In 2015, most of you read about my miscarriage. If not, you can find it on my blog; https://consistentprayers.blogspot.com/2015/01/miscarriage.html?m=1

I shared this experience with my friends hoping to pass a message. You don't wish this on anyone. It is at this point when I found the truth of who really God is. 

When I lost the first one, I was told the stronger babies survive, God took the baby back because he needed an angle, we are going through this because I did something wrong, maybe there was a deformity, God is teaching me a lesson, and so on. With the second loss, I needed an answer. I wanted to know what exactly went wrong? Why her heart stop beating at twelve weeks? If God is the giver of life then he should have an answer. So I went to Him with all my questions. What I found was a Father full of righteousness, peace and joy.  This is what He told me.

"My daughter, I don't make mistakes when I form babies, neither do I kill babies before they are born. I don't teach you a lesson by inflicting pain on you. Babies are not angels so I don't need baby angels by killing babies. Every gift I bless my children with is perfect. I have a plan and a purpose for every child born. My desire is for them to live to a full lifespan. The world is not what it used to be at creation. You live in a fallen world. Sin changed the world. There is an enemy whose desire is to kill, steal and destroy anything  good I have given you. You cooperate with him by what you belief and speak. He takes advantage of your lack of knowledge of My Truth. He steals from you because you don't know what is rightfully yours. No sickness can survive before me. Death was nailed on the cross, I AM life giving. When you know The Truth, you will be set free and have fullness of joy. You have to take authority over your problems. The kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent must take it by force. You are being violated by the enemy and not by Me. I AM Love!"

Wait a minute, all what I was told were lies. God is not a killer of babies(baby murderer) as many think. He gives life, He is love, joy and peace is found only in Him. He is The Truth we must find to help us navigate through life. He loves our babies more than we do. He has given us a manual to teach us how to bring them up. All we need is to open up The Book and fall in love with The Creator God. Even when we do, the enemy will still send giants on our way to distract us. 

Last fall we got pregnant again to our fifth child. Nine weeks later the enemy cut this life short. Now, this was a big distraction but our eyes are fixed on the cross. All three babies are alive with Christ and will welcome us on the other side of heaven. Each day I wonder what their personalities would be and how funny and the weird things they would do. I know for sure they are alive and not dead, they will never be forgotten because I carried them. My body changed because of them, I think differently because of them; I dream of them. They wrote their names in my heart. 

To you reading this, I don't know what your behind the scene story is; you maybe mad at God, or depressed over a lost child. You maybe wondering why bad things are happening to you or why do other ladies seem more blessed than you are. Life may seem unfair and cruel in your eyes. Lift up your eyes, shake off the dust from the past, focus on the cross not the loss. Magnify Jesus always despite your current situation. You will be reunited with your babies on the other side of heaven. Stop blaming God and start praising Him.

To the young lady not yet married, with a body that looks like that on the left. There will be changes and challenges along the way. Do not be alarmed by them. In this world you will have trouble, take heart for Jesus overcame making you an overcomer. Start today by speaking life over your body. Do not accept all what the world throws at you. God's word should always have the final say and become your truth. Let challenges build you up and not break you. Take care of that temple you see in the mirror; but focus more on renewing your mind with The Truth. Knowing The Truth makes life more joyful despite the giants on the way. Your giants must bow at the mention of the name Jesus. Jesus has already defeated every giant that will ever show up in your life.

To the married couple trying to have a baby after a loss; be encouraged and never stop praising your Creator. He gives life to dead bodies and desires for you to conceive and carry your baby to term. He delights when you are at peace and joyful with your gift. Don't give up on trying. Continue to speak life giving words over your body each day. Ask God to give you a vision of your family with children playing around. Stand on his promises by speaking them out loud daily to your hearing. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. His Word is Life.

There is no behind the scene giant Jesus did it nail to the cross. I speak healing over your entire body today in Jesus name. More children coming your way to all couples wanting to conceive. Barren wombs be open in Jesus name. Healthy and strong sperms for your husband in Jesus name. All ovarian diseases are dead in Jesus name. Healthy babies shall be born in your family soon. Let God be true and every bad word spoken over you be destroyed. 

I am strong because Jesus is my strength and confidence. I have favor with God and favor with man! I am a partaker of His Royal Kingdom. I walk in victory not as a victim.

Not every portrait tells the entire story. My story is unique to me; your behind the scene story is meant to be told. 

“Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace, so that the promise might be sure to all the seed, not only to those who are of the law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all (as it is written, “I have made you a father of many nations”) in the presence of Him whom he believed—God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did; who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, “So shall your descendants be.” And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. And therefore “it was accounted to him for righteousness.” Now it was not written for his sake alone that it was imputed to him, but also for us. It shall be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead, who was delivered up because of our offenses, and was raised because of our justification.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭4:16-25‬ ‭NKJV‬‬