The Moment We Almost Called it Quit !!

Someone told me the other day that we are a good looking couple. Another said, there is something about us when we walk into a room. Words!!!!! Little did they know these statements will take me back to about six years down memory lane; when our walls almost came crumbling down.

(we have to be intentional about making our home secure and free of strife. Children watch our actions. They become who they see. Strongholds at home start building walls in kids that will affect their relationships in the future).

I remember very well this Sunday morning in the spring of 2010 in South Bend, Indiana. It was finally getting warm and nice outside and the winter coats were finally off. Sunday mornings are usually hectic if you have little kids. The rush to be out of the house on time for church can easily end up with lots of frustrations.

One of our very good friends told us during our baby shower that kids are a blessing but they can be very challenging in your relationship. Our attitude towards kids as a blessing is very important on how we relate towards them. Thanks Jeff!

This beautiful Spring Sunday for us was one of the turning points in our marriage. We were almost two years into our marriage and less than three years into our relationship.(read "How I met Prince Charming for more details)Our first daughter was six months old at this time. 

From the outside, we were the perfect couple. A young growing beautiful family. Living in a beautiful upper middle class house in a Porsche neighborhood, with well maintained green lawns, driving expensive cars and a church family that loved us dearly. An educated hard working African migrant family that had the American dream going well. What else could we ask for? Others wished to be us.

At breakfast before church, my husband looked at me and said, "what is the reason for us to look perfect on the outside and can hardly stand each other at home, why should we go to church anyways." Well, I did not see this coming. There was a lot of strife in our home. We really did not communicate well at this time. Our intimacy was out the door especially with a baby. We quarreled over almost everything. No one wanted to submit to the other or admit they were wrong. I remember telling him, that is the very reason we needed to be in church.

( your identity in your marriage should never come from what you own. Things will never satisfy your soul. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Your identify should be found in Christ.)

Why am I telling you this story? To let you know, we got to a point in our marriage that we needed divine intervention. We hard everything the world called success but struggled with our marriage to a point of almost quitting.  We could not do marriage on our own any longer. We had failed at it but had not given up. We were Christians but God was not our source. It was all about making a name for ourselves.

I was determined to make it work. I did not want my daughter to be statistics. She will grow up in a home with both parents as long as we both are alive. Our home will be stable and peaceful, she won't see us throwing curse words at each other and argue. I sorted for help because we needed help.

You may be at this point in your marriage and need help. Stop dying alone. Stop trying to fake your life away when you can reach out and receive help. We are here for you and can relate with you.

I made an appointment with our pastor and we went in. Little did I know what was coming. Okay, just to let you know, it's not an African thing for a man to humble himself and go for counseling. It's always the other persons's fault right!

 "My brothers, your marriage can be better than what you are going through right now. I got tired and went for counseling and it helped. I cried out to God for help and He restored my marriage. God wants to restore your marriage. If we can't be successful at home, we have failed. How we manage our family(wife and kids) is our first successful job." Linus speaking.

Seeking counseling is not in our culture, the men have it all figured out in their heads and do things their way. I bless God for my husband who decided to humble himself before God. He broke the cultural stereotype and allowed God to restore our family.

If you don't know in counseling the couples talk and the pastor does the listening. Each one is given a chance to talk without the other interrupting. A good Pastor counsels from what he hears at the end. After I talked, and listened to my husband speak, a weight was lifted up from me. 

We realized, we both came into our marriage with lots of baggage. Strongholds/wounds from the past that direct or indirectly had build walls/yokes that needed to be broken. Neither of us were responsible for these but had to help each other go through them. We had to become sensitive to triggers and words.

One word from me could open up an old wound on my husband and vice versa. Not only this but we later learned that our marriage is at war and we are not each other's enemy. There is an enemy that seeks to steal, to kill and to destroy our marriage. What an eye opener this was to us.

We were determined to fight untied for our marriage. I remember going on my knees and asking God for help. I could not do this on my own strength. I asked God to show me how I could be a good wife and mother. "show me Lord were I'm going wrong and teach me how to be a better wife to my husband and mother to our daughters." This has been my daily prayer for years.

God had to first do work in my heart to be able work through me. Past hurts had hardened my heart towards my husband. I needed healing and had to let go and let the Holy Spirit take charge. The change I needed had to start in me. I had to put on the faithful eyes of compassion, be intentional and patient.

This meeting with our pastor was the first of many counseling seminars/conference we have been to. We make it intentional to attend at least two Christian marriage seminars each year.You don't have to wait to be in a crisis to seek counseling. We listened to teachings on marriage and most importantly seek God for direction.

Our Victory in marriage over the years has been because of what God has taught us. We had to die to self and be of service to each other as unto The Lord.  We hard to enter into relationship with God first on a personal level.

 Our first marriage is with Christ then, with each other. The Holy Spirit is our counselor and help at each step of the way. He is the invisible third person, the life giving power source in our marriage. We serve each other out of our relationship with the Holy Spirit.

 Christ Jesus restored, redeemed and perfected our marriage inwardly. What you see outwardly is the result of an inward creative work The Word has planted in our hearts. He pulled us out of the world's darkness unto His marvelous light. When storms come, we fix our eyes united on Jesus and not ourselves.

Our prayer is for other couples to turn to Jesus Christ for help and counsel in their marriage. You can't do marriage on your own strength. You can't take God out of your Love equation; man plus woman = baby(the image of God and His likeness). God ordained the first marriage and should be a part of the union. 

You can't look to each other for happiness. God Almighty is the source of eternal joy. Your relationship with God is what should keep you happy. The power of God is released in unity and agreement. Marriage is not a substitute for a relationship with God. You function as a unit in marriage because God sees you as one. How good and pleasant it is when God's children live together in unity!

Marriage is intentional hard work. It takes dying to self and serving one another out of the love of God that has been shed abound in our hearts by The Holy Spirit.

Marriage on earth should be a reflection of Christ and His bride(the church).

It is impossible to have a victorious marriage without the God's kind of Love. There is no love without God! God is love.

Join us on February 24-26 for #LoveSeminar2017
Make it a date with your spouse as we share God's unconditional love for marriage.